Ali's Lessons Learned

Sitting on my bed, I stared at the brand new creature in my arms. She was beautiful, eyes open wide, staring in wonder at the fuzzy world around her. She was so small as I held her, and yet she had seemed SO BIG just a few minutes before (if you know what I mean). But how did we get here, to this magical dreamland of oxytocin-induced bliss?  My birth story does not start with “I went into labor at x time.” It needs just a little more background. Warning: This story is pretty detailed. Depending on how much you actually want to know about birth, proceed with caution. At around 36 weeks, I began to develop PUPPP, which stands for pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy. In short, it is the worst rash that you can possibly imagine. It has no known cause, though some theories include an over-taxed liver, an allergic reaction to the baby's cells, or overstretched skin. It typically starts in the belly's stretch marks. It is more common in first pregnancies, particularly...

I began my ketogenic diet in April 2017. In June, I did something I had done many times before. I took a pregnancy test. My hope were high, but realistically I knew it was unlikely that I would be pregnant. I had ovulated in May, but I had ovulated multiple times over the last year. This month would probably be no different. Except it was. Ever so slowly, a second line developed on that pregnancy test. What? For real? Was this actually happening? I snapped a picture on my phone, smiling like a fool. It had finally happened. I was pregnant. I went to Walmart to try to find a “Daddy's favorite” type onesie to use to announce to my husband. They did not have what I was looking for, but lucky for me, it was only a couple of weeks before Father's Day. I found the perfect card. On the front it read, “Who is a Dad?” The inside answered, “YOU. You is a dad.” Home again, I placed the two positive tests and the card inside a gift bag. I could hardly wait for my husband to arrive. He o...

“But then, indeed, when you did not know God, you served those which by nature are not gods. But now, after you have known God, or rather are known by God, how is it that you turn again to the weak and beggarly elements, to which you desire again to be in bondage?” Galatians 4:8-9 I could smell the grease, taste the salt, and feel the fries dissolving in my mouth. As I sat in line at the drive-thru, I had only one thing on my mind: carbs. I'd had a terrible day. I was stressed out, and probably hyped up on caffeine. If I could just get the rush of fat and salt and carbohydrate, all of it would be better. But my focus was in the wrong place. I like to say I don't eat emotionally, but that's a lie. Not every time I binge it's emotional. Sometimes it is just force of habit. I am guilty, however, of turning to food when I'm stressed or angry or sad. If I can just get the hit of dopamine, it'll all be better. Food is a liar. It promises to take care of o...

I checked the clock. The numbers glowed green: 9:30. My sisters were all asleep, but I was still tossing and turning. Something felt off. I pictured my heart as a puzzle, the kind with a frame and pieces that simply matched up, not interlocked. A piece was missing. I wasn't quite sure what it all meant, but I knew I needed to talk to my dad.   I was a little apprehensive as I walked down the hallway to the stairs out of my grandparents' basement. A few weeks earlier I had been unable to sleep, frustrated and saddened and confused by the family situation. Why would God put my mom in the hospital with heart failure, then again with cancer? Why would He make my brother be born premature? Why did my dad have to spend so much time away from us, especially since Mommy wasn't around? Daddy had told me about Job, and I had been able sleep a little better. Now, though, I was supposed to be in bed. It was late, and Daddy was surely busy. But I had to talk to him. I knew t...