Ali's Lessons Learned

The new year is a time of reflection. It is a time to consider where we have been, what has changed. Am I the person I set out to be at the beginning of 2019? Am I better person, or have I stagnated? The last several year-ends found me in a difficult place. Beholden almost completely to food. Struck with abject terror at the idea of not buying junk food every time I went into the store. I knew I had a problem. I knew my actions and attitudes were not pleasing to God. I knew they were damaging to my marriage, and leaving an impression on my daughter. I knew things needed a change. I felt powerless to do so. I would attempt something, but it always seemed to fail. This year, finally, I feel that I have not stayed in stagnation. I have attacked my issues head on. I lost 25 pounds in a year, more than I have in a long time. My body is healthier. My mind is healthier. I have added back in regular Scripture reading and meditation. I am not yet the person I hope to be. I still s

“And you who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.” Ephesians 2:1-3 The convicting part of this passage for me comes in verse 3: “among whom also we conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of our own hearts...” Ouch. For me, I follow too much my own heart, my own feelings, my own desires. I turn to food as comfort, and entertainment for distraction. I focus on what I want, not what I am called to do. With that attitude, I find myself identifying with the old man, who was dead in sin. This passage paints a rather bleak picture overall. Dead in sin, conducting ourselves among the sons of disobedience,

“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.” Galatians 6:7-8 One of the most difficult aspects of this food journey for me is simply being conscious of my actions. I have the hardest time connecting what I am doing now with future consequences. I want to be able to eat my Pringles and not worry about the fact that it makes my insulin spike, makes my body produce extra testosterone, and pretty much goes directly to my belly fat deposit. But life doesn't work that way. Every action causes something. Every food I eat is either helping or hindering me in some way. Pringles obviously don't help my body. They don't help me remove old habits. Veggies and proteins and good fats get along with my body much better. They are much more difficult and much less pleasurable to binge on, so they also

“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.” Galatians 5:16-18 I am trying to read a chapter of the Bible with my daughter every day, and spend some time in the Word myself while she is napping. The distractions are manifold. I don't do a perfect job. I have noticed that it does make a difference, though. The weeks when I am consistently reading the Bible myself, I find I struggle less with food choices. It is still difficult some days. Studying my Bible is not a magic bullet to make all of the temptation go away. But consistency seems to be the key. Being consistently in the Scripture means I am more motivated and focused to battle my temptation or ignore it completely. I am grateful for the aid of the Spirit in b

“But then, indeed, when you did not know God, you served those which by nature are not gods. But now, after you have known God, or rather are known by God, how is it that you turn again to the weak and beggarly elements, to which you desire again to be in bondage?” Galatians 4:8-9 I could smell the grease, taste the salt, and feel the fries dissolving in my mouth. As I sat in line at the drive-thru, I had only one thing on my mind: carbs. I'd had a terrible day. I was stressed out, and probably hyped up on caffeine. If I could just get the rush of fat and salt and carbohydrate, all of it would be better. But my focus was in the wrong place. I like to say I don't eat emotionally, but that's a lie. Not every time I binge it's emotional. Sometimes it is just force of habit. I am guilty, however, of turning to food when I'm stressed or angry or sad. If I can just get the hit of dopamine, it'll all be better. Food is a liar. It promises to take care of o

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who gave Himself for me. This verse reminds me of the first Heidelberg Catechism that we use as a confession of faith in our church sometimes. Q. What is your only comfort in life and in death? A. That I am not my own, but belong body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood and has set me free from all the power of the devil. He also preserves me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head; indeed, all things must work together for my salvation. Therefore, by his Holy Spirit he also assures me of eternal life and makes me heartily willing and ready from now on to live for him. “I am not my own.” Such a crazy, wonderful statement. Not only do I not own myself, I belong, wholly, fu

Proverbs 4:25-27 Let your eyes look straight ahead, And your eyelids look right before you. Ponder the path of your feet and let all your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or the left; Remove your feet from evil. I walked through Walmart, absently pulling the items on my list and placing them in my cart. Mustard, pickles, raisin bran, cottage cheese, two cans of Pringles. Wait. Pringles aren't on my list. They don't help my body. They reinforce the bad habits I'm trying to remove. But none of these thoughts actually ran through my head. I wouldn't allow them. It's too hard to face reality, to think about the choices I am making. It is much more comfortable to go with the flow of old, destructive habits. While reading through Proverbs recently, I found the verses above. I swear I have read my Bible cover to cover, but these verses were completely unfamiliar. They hit me out of the blue and touched on a rather sore spot. I woul

When I was ten years old, my mom died. It was a quiet January evening in 2006. My sister and I were playing Bible Scattergories with a family friend. Our little sisters were playing a game on the computer. Our baby brother must have been sleeping. Daddy walked into the family room and declared, “I think Mommy just died.” He sat heavily on the couch and began to sob. All four of us girls began to cry and wail. After only a moment, I was struck by an urgent need to see her. I walked slowly through our kitchen, and down the dark hallway to my parents' bedroom. There, in the hospital bed, lay my mommy. She looked asleep. She looked at peace, for the first time in years. I remember touching her face gently. It was still warm. I left the room as the rest of the family entered. I had pee. But there, in the bathroom, I received the most amazing gift. I felt what was surely the peace of God descend on me there, on the toilet (of all elegant places). Everything was going

“ For if I build again the things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor.” Galatians 2:18 I am a new creation, a child of God. I frequently struggle to live this out. At present, I am struggling with food. I love to eat for all the wrong reasons. I want to eat away my boredom, my thoughts, my discomfort. It's rarely about taste, desire, or fullness. I use it to self-medicate, to get to a spot where I am numb and don't have to think about my life. It is often in ridiculous quantities, because the longer I am eating, the longer I can ignore everything else. For me, food is an idol. It is something that consumes my thoughts. I will go to extreme lengths to obtain a package of cookie dough, or 2 liters of soda, or worse. It has brought out parts of me that I don't like: deceit, anger, selfishness. I would much rather stuff my face and ignore the consequences than take the time to read my Bible, or say a prayer for help. I'm happy to report t