New Year, New You?

The new year is a time of reflection. It is a time to consider where we have been, what has changed. Am I the person I set out to be at the beginning of 2019? Am I better person, or have I stagnated?

The last several year-ends found me in a difficult place. Beholden almost completely to food. Struck with abject terror at the idea of not buying junk food every time I went into the store. I knew I had a problem. I knew my actions and attitudes were not pleasing to God. I knew they were damaging to my marriage, and leaving an impression on my daughter. I knew things needed a change. I felt powerless to do so. I would attempt something, but it always seemed to fail.

This year, finally, I feel that I have not stayed in stagnation. I have attacked my issues head on. I lost 25 pounds in a year, more than I have in a long time. My body is healthier. My mind is healthier. I have added back in regular Scripture reading and meditation.

I am not yet the person I hope to be. I still struggle with food. Even yesterday I barely got my Bible read. I went to the store and purchased a bag of crackers and ate the whole thing. Not overindulging every day shows progress, but yesterday's actions show that I still have more to travel on this journey.

At the beginning of the year, I did a short term diet that kicked me into gear. It broke the hold food had on me for the first time. On the heels of that I tried a different program that was moderately successful. I lost weight, gained a friend, but I ultimately did not adhere to the program. I spent the next several months waffling back and forth between adherence and binging. In the late summer, I helped create an accountability group with a couple of friends. Together we have supported and prayed for one another, and called each other out when necessary. I hope they have been as blessed by it as I have.

These last few months have been hard. Who tries to lose weight during the holidays? Well, I do, apparently. I have been moderately successful (down about 5 pounds), but it has been a struggle. Why deprive myself of all the once-a-year goodies? These food-based holidays have always been my favorite. Thanksgiving, with its carbohydrate smorgasbord has a special place in my heart. Christmas is nearly synonymous with candies, treats, cookies. I managed to avoid nearly all of them. It is during this season that I am training myself the hardest. I wanted all the breads, desserts, mashed potatoes. But I know myself, and I am not yet ready to give myself a free hand. I am still too apt to get out of control. My hope is, by next Christmas, I will be able to partake in moderation, and enjoy that moderation. This year has been a big step in the right direction.

While reading Ephesians yesterday, I found chapter 4, verses 22-24 rather applicable. I wasn't planning to write a “year in review,” but these verses seemed to fit perfectly: “That you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” The close of a year is the perfect time to leave the old man behind.

Looking ahead, I plan to lose more weight. I plan to dig deeper into my Bible, and get to know my Lord and Savior in a way I haven't yet. I hope to plumb the depths of His love, mercy, grace, omnipotence, omniscience, and all that He is. I plan to grow as a person, as a mother, as a teacher, and as a friend. Many of these things I have already begun. January 1 is simply the next day in my journey.

I know that many say New Year's resolutions don't stick, don't necessarily work. Truly, it is about mindset, not the day on the calendar. But with December 31 comes the closing of a chapter. January gives us the opportunity to write a new one. What things need to be left behind in the old year? What new things can be started in the year to come? A new year does not a new person make, of course. That takes time, patience, planning, discipline. Mistakes will be made. The true change comes from not being completely derailed when the first mistake happens. I have messed up plans more times than I can count this year. What made this year different is I kept going. I got up, dusted the nacho cheese from my fingers, cleaned the chocolate off of my face, and tried again.

By all means, set goals for the new year. We should always be learning, growing, and putting off the old man. Put on the new man, as Paul says. That should be our goal always. It's not about waiting for the new year, the next month, Monday, or tomorrow. We have the opportunity to start again with every new moment. We have forgiveness for our sins—all we must do is ask. The action of yesterday, this morning, two minutes past do not define our future choices. Plan for January 1^st. And January 2^nd. And March 13, and August 30 and November 10. Each and every day is a new opportunity. Take it, and push towards success. How will you put off the old man and put on the new man today?