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Rebuilding What has Been Destroyed


“For if I build again the things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor.”
Galatians 2:18


I am a new creation, a child of God. I frequently struggle to live this out.

At present, I am struggling with food. I love to eat for all the wrong reasons. I want to eat away my boredom, my thoughts, my discomfort. It's rarely about taste, desire, or fullness. I use it to self-medicate, to get to a spot where I am numb and don't have to think about my life. It is often in ridiculous quantities, because the longer I am eating, the longer I can ignore everything else.


For me, food is an idol. It is something that consumes my thoughts. I will go to extreme lengths to obtain a package of cookie dough, or 2 liters of soda, or worse. It has brought out parts of me that I don't like: deceit, anger, selfishness. I would much rather stuff my face and ignore the consequences than take the time to read my Bible, or say a prayer for help.

I'm happy to report that I have made progress with this issue. I don't binge as frequently, or on as harmful of foods as I have in the past. But it is still a mindset that I struggle against. I still will find myself walking to the store, baby in tow, to get what my flesh craves.

That is why this particular verse struck me while reading through Galatians recently. As a new creation, the flesh has been replaced. My new heart of flesh desires to please God, to enjoy Him. These old desires and habits have been destroyed. And yet, I persist in rebuilding them. I seek out the earthly pleasures, rather than those above. That, in itself, makes me a transgressor. Every time I consume something obsessively, be it cookie dough or Pringles, I am rebuilding that which has been destroyed. I am serving the old slave master that is sin, and turning my back on the gift of salvation so graciously bestowed on me.

I am not saying Pringles, soda and cookies are inherently evil. Many can and do enjoy these things without issue. But for me, it is obsessive. For me, it is idolatry. I am striving to root out this evil, seeking instead to serve my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
 
Sanctification is a process, and for that I am grateful. I still battle with my flesh against eating junk food, but God is not done with me yet. It is possible that I will continue to fight with my desires on this for years to come. But God is faithful. The work He has begun He will surely complete.
 
At the same time, it is imperative that I watch my actions and attitudes. Do I live as child of God, redeemed and forgiven? Or do I rebuild the things that have been destroyed, following the old man? My prayer is that as I continue walking this path, I draw closer to my Father in Heaven, dying more and more to the desires of the flesh.
 
I ask you to walk with me on this journey, as I screw up, struggle, and succeed. How can I be praying for you, as we work to grow closer to our Savior?

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